You know

You know you are a NICU nurse when…

1. You’ve eaten hamburger patties bigger than most of your patients

2. You define colors by the color of stool you’ve seen- i.e. baby poop green/yellow

3. You don’t understand why talking about sticking a needle in a baby’s head is making other people at the dinner table ill

4. At one time or another have had breast milk, poop or urine on your work clothes

5. You have affectionately called a patient cletus the fetus, wimpy white boy, troll or FLK (funny lookin’ kid) in report

6. You can change your patient’s bed linens with one hand while holding your patient in the other

7. You can make an IV arm board out of some 4x4 gauze and tape

8. You’ve almost caught your hair on fire while in your patient’s bed…a.k.a. radiant warmer

9. You’ve used a sock or a piece of tape for a restraint

10. You check out the scalp veins, cap refill and fontanels on a friend’s new baby

11. You use a cotton ball to obtain urine samples

12. You use saran wrap to keep your food fresh and your patient’s warm

13. You think all crying babies need benadryl, versed or intubation

14. You think the pulse oximeter, CPAP and those crappy no sticking leads were created by the devil

15. You have ever shown a doctor a green residual while they were eating

16. You have obtained a 10cc residual when the patient only gets 1cc17. You have put an intensive care patient in a swing

18. You don’t get excited if your patient has a heart rate of 180

19. You do chest compressions with two fingers

20. Most of your meds come in TB/1cc syringes

21. You prepare your patient’s bath water in a Dixie cup

22. You draw blood from your patient’s heel

23. You use a rubber band for a tourniquet

24. You’ve seen two complexes on EKG screen and not been excited-you merely pat your patient on the butt and it’s all good

25. Newborn babies look like preschoolers to you

26. You tell people what you do and they think you sit around and rock babies all day

27. When you tell people what you really do they start to cry and/or vomit

28. You have assisted with surgery on your patient in their bed and on the unit

29. You have at one time or another in the heat of frustration threatened to throw your patient in the trash can

30. You have considered using duct tape to hold a pacifier in a screaming baby’s mouth

31. You have met your patient’s father, mother’s boyfriend, and husband all in one day

32. You have made a mental note that no matter how stupid people are they still know how to get their groove on

33. And lastly…You know you’re a NICU nurse if you’ve read 1-32 and have laughed your ass off